My goodness! You know it’s been a long time when you forget your password to log onto your blog and website!!! WOW.

What a whirlwind life has been. No words can describe what the past 6 months have held for my family. But to sum it all up – I have lost the most amazing person in my life. My dad lost his battle to cancer after a courageous 14 month long fight. On July 5th he was surrounded by the most important people in his life and he went to be with the Lord.

I know, I know….I’ve heard it all “well at least he’s not suffering now”; “you’ll get to see him again someday”; “this was all the Lord’s plan”; “there is a reason this happened and something good will come of it”; “God didn’t heal him here, but he his healed in heaven”…..people mean well. But all I want is my dad back. I want my kids to have their grandpa. I want my mom to have her life partner. And I want life to be the way it was!

Life has been so busy since he died that I don’t think it’s truly hit me! I mean life is 100% different, so it has surely affected me in a big way. I talk about him with my kids on a daily basis. I think about him hourly. I worry about my mom constantly. I feel an overwhelming sadness and emptiness. The world feels lonelier and suddenly a bit intimidating. I feel angry that cancer tormented him the way it did. I feel sickened to know that this happens daily to other families all over the world. I feel frustrated that modern medicine couldn’t help my dad and helpless that no matter how much research I did, all the doctors we saw, books I read, prayers that were said, could make my dad better. I feel paranoid that cancer is going to happen to me, or my husband or kids. I analyze every bite that I put into my mouth or feed my family and wonder what chemical might be on it that is cancer causing. I am sickened to know that the number of people dying from cancer, in the U.S., is increasing each year (odd that we are spending more money than ever before in the fight for a cure). This is another issue in itself – one I feel strongly about!

To watch someone you love so much, suffer the way my dad did, is just not right. I sometimes debate in my mind if it would have been better for him to have died quickly. That’s hard to answer, because I treasure the time I had with him each day BUT the pain he experienced and the desperation and fear he must have felt haunt me. My dad NEVER complained, he never let on how scared he was. His faith in the Lord grew in a way I’ve never seen before.

I guess what I’m saying is that my dad’s death has impacted me to the core. Every aspect of my life seems to have been affected. But despite this terrible roller coaster of emotions and pain, there has been growth. I can see the Lord working in ways I never would have even noticed just months ago. My eyes have been opened and the people that have been led into my life through my dad’s cancer have been brought with purpose and intention. I view life out of a different lens now and it’s incredible!! I have spent so much time wandering on my own self-made path, that I wasn’t able to see all the amazing things the Lord placed around me. I feel like I’ve suddenly shifted directions and this new journey ahead is filled with a whole new world!

Today has been a day of a lot of self-realization and conviction for me. I have come to terms with the fact that life will never be the same and it’s ok that it will never be the same! Cancer this close puts things into perspective and I feel that changes had better happen, or did it all happen in vain?  My dad’s life touched thousands of people – maybe not directly, but his influence surpassed just those he dealt with each day – he has left a legacy, one that will passed down to my kids and I pray to their kids, and so on.

I know my dad is proud. The work and the effort he put into loving me and the example he set by being such an attentive father and husband has had a lasting impression. His faith in God during the toughest days of his life sit fresh in my mind, and I’m sure they always will. He lived life with zest, with assertiveness, intention, humor, integrity, with self-assuradness and confidence. He changed his destiny – his father was an alcoholic, a womanizer, cheater, and abusive. In the 33 years I knew my dad, I never once saw him drunk, never once saw him disrespect my mom, and he was surely never abusive in any way! He was a man that took his role of husband, father and grandfather very seriously, even though all the odds were against him from the start. We were his world and there was never any doubt about it! His every action showed us his love.

So, what does all of this have to do with my photography. Well, photography is different for me now. I don’t have my all to put into it. I love pictures and treasure them in my own home (especially now that I wish I had more of my dad). I seriously LOVE taking pictures, chasing kids around with my camera, and capturing the simplicity in life, BUT it is a distraction and time away from my family that I can’t give right now. Many of you have asked about holiday pictures. I’m doing a few sessions, and we’ll see what happens from there. Life is short and I’m going to make sure my family knows how important they are to me – just like my dad did for us.

So, I’m back, but the road is a different one now…..this time I’m excited to see what the Lord has in store for me along the way!

I had the pleasure of photographing yet another beautiful baby! This cutie is 7 weeks old and was such a trooper! Mom really wanted just a few simple, beautiful shots. Baby M was so happy and cuddly – I could have stayed and photographed her all day! I hope I captured her true beauty and innocence the way her parents wanted….

Don’t you just LOVE those wrinkles!?

I had the chance to photograph an adorable little guy and his family yesterday. He wasn’t quite a newborn at 3 weeks old and fought sleep the entire time! Of course I had all these props and ideas of how to squish, bend, and stuff him (ever so gently of course) BUT he wanted no part in any of that – can you blame him?! So we improvised and I still got some adorable shots of him. I really enjoyed this family and it was a blessing to get to photograph them. I hope to see these cutie brothers again in front of my camera.

Yawning was about as close to sleep as he got.

I had the chance to attend an amazing photography workshop a couple of weeks ago! It was so cool to be surrounded by other photographers and actually get to meet two photographers whose work I love! It was a great way for me to get back in my picture taking groove! Here are just a couple shots I got of a bride they brought in for us to photograph. I have lots more to share!

All I can say is WOW! I was blessed with the opportunity to photograph this little guy’s birth. It’s been a few days and I haven’t stopped thinking about it! What an amazing experience! His mom is a new friend of mine…united through our father’s cancer…sad, but cool that at least something good can come of cancer.

Here are just a few images I love (obviously there are many beautiful images I won’t post for privacy reasons):

I’m not sure why, but this is one of my favorites.

First time holding daddy’s hand.

Getting measured under those bright lights.

I hope I have the opportunity to photograph a birth again. It was pretty darn cool.

and it feels so good to be back. The last three months have literally been crazy! As many of you know my dad is very sick with cancer. My mom is his main caregiver, but I have spent a lot of time helping out and even when I’m not physically there, it consumes about 90% of my thoughts. Watching someone you love SO much, suffer SO much is terrible. Actually terrible isn’t even the word for it ….anyway, things have settled down a bit with dad (or sadly, I think we’ve just become used to this way of life). To add to the existing stress – we moved! I love our new house and the location but moving with two young kids is never easy!!

Taking pictures and running are my two stress relievers. Those two things are what keep me sane. And I’ve done neither for the last 3 months. Not. Good. For. Anyone. But I’m back!! I’ve been running for the last two weeks, I’ve had a couple photo shoots, and went to an amazing photography workshop. Let me tell you – it feels GREAT!! I literally feel like I can breath easier, I’m much more patient with the kids, and I feel like my old self again!

I look forward to sharing my photography adventures with you. I just photographed a live birth, so I’m anxious to share some of this beautiful boy with you and I have many more images that have been sitting on my computer waiting to be touched.

Here is a picture I took of my dad with my kids. He was trying to take a nap but the girls wanted to be with him. I love that I captured this moment because this is truly life for us these days.

This women is such a caring, sensitive, loving, and kind person. She is someone that has been taken care of her entire life by her devoted husband, but now that he is sick with cancer – overnight she has had to learn to do things she’s never done before! My mom has really stepped up and I am proud of her. I know my dad’s battle with cancer has turned her world upside down too. Here she is on her 60th birthday, enjoying her birthday cake with her 3 granddaughters. I think she looks just as beautiful as ever…only now I see a strong women whose faith in God has got her through the worst year of her life. I pray this next one is better.

This is one of my favorite little guys! He has such a sweet and spirited personality! I think these photos captured some of his spunk!

My goal was to post at least 5 days a week, but that’s been harder than I thought it would be. I don’t know how all those daily bloggers do it! I know I hate showing up at a blog and still finding an old post. Things have just been so crazy this past week, but I’m going to stick with it. So here are a few random pictures to share. I was cleaning out my pictures and I came across these from the zoo in Albuquerque. I always have so much fun with my kids.

I love how they are looking at each other.

This girl has the BIGGEST sweet tooth, so I thought this picture was very fitting.

This blank, scrunched up stare is totally her.

My husband and kids made these a few days ago. We packed up a couple boxes to give out too. They were SO good, too good! I’m glad I ran over the weekend to balance out the massive amount that I ate. But I remind myself they are healthy – organic peanut butter inside and dark chocolate on the outside. Healthy, right? Here is what they did….

Melted the chocolate.

Mixed the peanut butter with powdered sugar and creme (I need to double check with the chef on exactly what he put in here).

Someone always has to lick the spatula.

Smashed up some peanuts.

Rolled the peanut butter into balls.

Then put them into the fridge for a bit.

Dip them in the melted chocolate.

Top with peanuts and refrigerate.

Poor yourself a glass of milk. Eat a few and box up the rest. Then eat a few more. Be sure to run at least 4 miles.